Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The funny things I see and hear

Yes indeed there is always something to write home about when you are in India. Here are some of my favourites from the last week:
Driving along Aurobindo Marg there is a toilet block, painted Public Toilet Green, with a sign “Toilet Complex”. There were 2 entrances: “Staff” and “Workers”.
In a bazaar, a pile of loose pantyhose with a sign pointing to them ”Stroking”
In front of a house “Do not park here. Tyres will be deflated”
Something that may have been a time pass item on Doordarshan, the national broadcaster, with what could have been the Indian National anthem (I’m sorry I am not very familiar with it) with shots of India: Mt Kanchenjunga, waterfalls, deserts, Taj Mahal, weapons and rockets, and Army Personnel in a parade ON STILTS.
There are still the ironing wallahs in every community – saw one today who uses his hot coal filled iron under a shade umbrella and then puts the freshly pressed items on top of the old red pillarbox next to him – so cute!
An elephant on the ring road at about 9.30pm on Sunday – and no it wasn’t pink.
“Madame, I will do the needful”
Blonde busty cheerleaders for the IPL cricket.
Stretchy gold or silver slacks that show plumbers crack even before you bend over – well not ME because I wouldn’t be caught dead in a ditch in them! I mean even on the mannequin! There seems to be a plague of them for summer.
The nightie as outerwear – also popular in Nepal.
17 messages a day from Airtel (my mobile carrier) telling me in Hinglish what number to ring to find a job, house, husband, watermelon.
The traffic light sales people: lovely red roses, magazines, window shades (must do a roaring trade this time of year) and FLEECE BLANKETS. Yes it’s 40 degrees, do I get a discount for 2?
The ad on TV (in Hindi) for Havells cables: the executioner hangs a bloke, then slowly wnders home, walks into his house and admires how his lightbulb, hung presumably from a Havells cable, doesn’t fall. Ha ha ha.
Shoaib Malik having to admit that he WAS married to the young lady from Hyderabad, and divorcing her so he can marry Sania – and just when we thought the story would keep us going for a week more!
Mobile phones: the number is: disconnected, unavailable, busy, unreachable, wrong. Network is: busy, unavailable, overloaded, closed. But you just got an SMS from it. AND you can SMS them back! Go figure.
And an important note – NEVER go into an Indian public toilet if you are wearing thongs – the footwear that is.
See ya!


  1. In Haus Khaz, Delhi, I've seen ceramic tiles with pictures of every variety of Indian god attached to walls on the main road where gentlemen always "make mischief" (i.e. piddle). Doesn't seem to prevent the gentlemen from relieving themselves. You can always piddle on someone elses god!

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  3. Well ain't that the trippiest - I'd better keep my eyes open since I'm in Hauz Khas) and watch where I walk form now on.
    I seem to remember some hoohaa a few years ago about an 'art installation' in Australia that showed Jesus in urine or something. Obviously less of an issue here!I'm just wondering which god I would select if I was given a choice...

  4. From memory it's somewhere along Aurobindo Marg near the SFS Colony.

  5. Thanks, I'm off there just as soon as I have breakfast!